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Chapter 1: A Sticky Mess

Princess Luna laid on the ground, covered in a white, sticky goo; the goo that came from the bodies of her loyal troops. The pegasus knights that fought so bravely to protect her have now been murdered by this… villain before her. This grisly, round creature and his magical weapon has reduced the best warriors in Equestria into paste. Worse, she's now trapped because this goo was so sticky. Yesterday, she though, she was sipping tea with her big sister and now look what a mess she's gotten herself into. It was definitely too big for her to handle. If Celestia was here instead the plump demon would have been defeated hours ago and the pegasus knights would still be alive, throwing a parade in her sister's honor. Oh, Luna! Why must you always only be the second best?

"MOAR PONI!" The hideous monster, standing on his two hind legs, yelled as he noticed that one of the lovely ponies who intruded his factory was still alive and not reduced to a white adhesive material. Taking large strides (with only his hind legs!) he slowly trotted towards Luna. She tried flapping her wings desperately, but they were trapped in the paste and would not budge. Her horn was also covered in the stuff, which seemed to have neutralized her powers. Celestia was right. This monster is the anti-pony.

"You're never good enough, Luna."

Luna, crying, kept her eyes completely shut. There was nothing she could do to stop this monstrosity as he placed his weapon to her head. She's seen this happen to her guards: he pulls on a trigger, a loud noise, a bolt pierces the pony's head and she explodes into a gory mess of white.


Keeping her eyes closed, Luna thought of death. But wait, where's the bolt through her head? She didn't feel anything! In fact, she felt nothing pressed against her head anymore.


Luna opened her eyes  to see that a steel pony with a dent in its head and an eagle cutie mark standing on top of the monster after knocking it off of her. The monster was furious but even its bulk was no match for the pony made of metal.

"RoboNixon! I thought you were dead!"

"I have never been a quitter." RoboNixon did not have the articulation to smile, but Luna could swear that he was grinning as he said that. Engaging his rocket hooves once more, RoboNixon charged towards the fat, malicious blob as he attempted to pick up his magic bolt gun. "To use the words of one of the many foes that I've defeated in my time as president: Krastos, I will bury you."

Chapter 2: A Royal Tea Party

At three-fifteen in the afternoon, the Princesses Celestia and Luna sat down by a royal fireplace and had their traditional royal afternoon tea. Celestia was, as usual, effortlessly elegant. Luna sat as she did everyday in her life minus those one thousand years when her sister banished her to the moon, but she wasn't smiling. Actually Celestia didn't smile either because princesses aren't supposed to smile when drinking tea; in fact that's rule number 73 in the Royal Rules for Regal Rulers of Royal Rearing, a book that Celestia herself wrote one drunken night three hundred years ago under a pseudonym that somehow became a bestseller self-help book in Canterlot. Luna's not-smiling wasn't due to her royal rearing, though, seeing how she never read the book on account of being on the moon and all that. It was more of a not-smiling-due-to-sadness kind of not-smiling.

"What's the matter, little sister?" Celestia asked, knowing full well what the answer would be.

"I was just thinking about how there wasn't any tea on the moon."

"Dearest Luna, you know that your big sister is always here for you, right?" Celestia has lost track of the number of times she has said that in the last year. "When you're ready to talk about it, I'll be here, listening."

"Thanks sis."

"And I'm so sorry that I had to banish you to the moon for a thousand years," Celestia nuzzled her sister's mane, "and left you all alone."

"You had to do it. I don't blame you. And besides, I wasn't alone." Luna gave a sad smile, but then immediately caught Celestia betraying a small glimspse of surprise and added "you're always there for me, Big Sis, even on the moon, right?"

"Right, my not-so-little pony." Celestia tried to laugh, but Luna was strong in the way of the Emo. Perhaps it's time to visit those crazy ponies in Ponyville again to cheer herself up. What should the excuse be this time… Cupcake baking contest? Maybe she should make the rainbow-colored one bake through a series of contrived events. That'd be hilarious. Is Luna still sad? Yes she is. So that's the plan: the rainbow pegasus would make cupcakes for Luna because the pink one is sick… Hm… What magical sickness should I make Twilight give her? Oh this is going to be so excit---

"Excuse me, your royal highness. Highnesses. I apologize, Princess Luna." A grey coated unicorn with a black and purple mane interrupted Celestia's fantasy.

"It's okay, Chancellor." Princess Luna didn't even look at him. She knows that the old pony was just doing it on purpose at this point.

"Yes, Chancellor? What's the matter?" Celestia composed herself quickly. She'll have to troll another day.

"Ma'am, may I speak to you alone?" The gray pony was not very discretely eyeing Luna. The old pony is the most seasoned politician in Canterlot and he didn't get this way for not being a pain in the flank.

"Chancellor, I must remind you that Princess Luna and I are both rulers of Equestria and that anything of importance should be brought to both of us. So that we may decide, together."

For the first time in days, Luna perked up.


"No buts, Chancellor Twisty." Celestia was impatient, so she called him by his name. Twisty did not like that name. Luna liked it when her big sister make this mean old (well, she was way older than him but it's all in how you present yourself) pony suffer.

"Your royal highness," Twisty's voice quieted to a serious hush, "it's grimdark."

"Oh." All the colors have left Celestia's face. If her face was pink before, it would certainly be white now. "In that case…" She was about to apologize to Luna when she noticed that Luna's Emo levels have skyrocketed. Celestia thought to herself a bit, and, much to the chancellor's dismay, nuzzled Luna's mane gently. "Come with us, little sister. It's time you learned what's beyond the sun and the moon."

"Okay if you stop saying that in the wrong order." Luna was ecstatic, but of course she pouted anyway. That's what she does.

"Of course, Princess Luna. Now would you like to come with your big sister so she can show you what lies beyond the lovely moon and the slightly less important sun?"

"Why yes, sister. I would." Luna reached up and took Celestia's hoof, steadying herself so that she doesn't fall over from the excitement.

Celestia thought that, maybe, she'd wear a maid outfit while saying that. That'd be hilarious.

But there's no time for hilarity now, Celestia thought to herself, things are about to go grimdark.
Princess Luna of Equestria and former president Richard Nixon of the United States of America must work together and embark on a glorious quest of redemption in order to save Equestria from a formidable foe that was accidentally unleashed upon the ponies by the carelessness of humanity. Also, Richard Nixon has rocket legs.

This is possibly the craziest and most meta thing that I've ever written. It's technically grimdark because there ponies exploding, but overall it ain't Cupcakes. It's not done yet---currently I have up to Chapter 8 (about 12 pages) written during a five hour writing binge on a train ride and these are the first two chapters. Since many chapters are short I'll probably be uploading them a couple or a few at a time.

There are several OC ponies that were created for this. In fact, I don't plan on using any canon ponies besides Celestia and Luna. Enjoy!
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tacoman395 Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2011
Nixon is best Cyborg President
sparklepeep Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2011  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Cyborg PONY president.
laredo-tornado Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
What about Spiro T. Agnew-donkey? O_O
sparklepeep Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2011  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
What huh?
laredo-tornado Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
sparklepeep Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2011  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
oh right, HIM =P
McGack Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2011
this.... my brain!!!! XD
sparklepeep Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2011  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
WeirdKev-27 Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2011
She's an 1000 year old Alicorn who has spend a millennial trapped in the moon....

He's the 37th President of the United States who resigned do to a scandal at the Watergate complex....He's also a cyborg pony too...

Together they must stop the evil Grimdark from turning the citizens of Equestria into glue.

Princess Luna of Equestria and Robotic Pony Richard Nixon in....

Of Princesses and Presidents!

Rated PG-13
sparklepeep Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2011  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Contains animated pony-exploding violence and lots of sexual innuendos.
Jemima2050 Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2011  Student Traditional Artist
Maid . . . outfit . . .
. . .
Sorry. *ahem*
Lol, it's the MOON and SUN, Celestia. Get it RIGHT.
sparklepeep Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2011  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
SasparillaFizz Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2011
Oh gods. You even mentioned the maid outfit...
sparklepeep Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2011  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Of course!
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